(This piece was written during the 2012 election, but it still seems relevant today. )mad-hatters

The Hatter, March Hare and Dormouse were crowded together at one corner of a large table. “No room,” they cried out when they saw Alice coming.

“There’s plenty of room,” said Alice indignantly, sitting down.

“Did you bring your birth certificate?” the March Hare asked.

“Of course not,” said Alice.

“Then how do we know you were born?”

“Because I’m here,” answered Alice.

“I’m not convinced,” said the March Hare. “Have some wine.”

Alice looked all around the table, but there was nothing on it but tea.  “I don’t see any wine,” she remarked.

“There isn’t any,” said the March Hare. “And there’s no free lunch.  Pull yourself up by your own bootstraps.”

“Your budget wants cutting,” said the Hatter.  This was his first speech.  “Why is Obama like a writing desk?”

“I give up,” Alice replied.  “What’s the answer?”

“I haven’t the slightest idea,” said the Hatter.

Alice sighed.  “I think you might better spend your time than wasting it asking riddles that have no answers.”

“Spend, spend,” said the Hatter.  “Tax and spend. That’s all you liberals do.”

“Cut the budget,” said the March Hare.

Here the Dormouse shook itself, and began singing in its sleep, “Twinkle, twinkle, budget ax. How I wonder what it whacks.”

“Obamacare,” said the Hatter.

“Public radio,” said the March Hare.

“Planned Parenthood,” said the Hatter.

“The EPA,” said the March Hare.

“Why do you want to whack these things?” asked Alice, confused.

“Gay marriage, women’s rights and undocumented black presidents are going to bankrupt our grandchildren,” said the Hatter.

“That’s silly,” said Alice.

“What do you know?” retorted the March Hare.  “You weren’t even born.  You don’t have a birth certificate.”

“But people don’t carry their birth certificates around with them,” answered Alice.

“Then where’s your Constitution?” the Hatter demanded.

“I don’t carry that around either.”

“Then how do you know original intent?” said the Hatter.

“I don’t think – ”

“Then you shouldn’t talk,” said the Hatter.

This piece of rudeness was more than Alice could bear. She got up in great disgust and walked off.  “We need to build a wall,” shouted the Hatter.


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