The debate — rigged, rigged, rigged. They sabotaged my microphones. Democrats. They were all over the place. Crooked Hillary and Barnacledonald-trump Bill (if you catch my drift). CNN,the New York Times, USA Today, even some of my own advisers. (I’m like Julius Caesar surrounded by a bunch of Et Tu Brutuses.) I won that debate, even with all the rigging. I demolished Crooked Hillary. And now my own people want to have Fat Boy Chris Christie coach me. It’s OK. Fat guys are cool; fat guys are fun. Fat women, ugh. But I love them, even if they’re fat. And I love Mexicans and Muslims and Argentinian bimbos and colored people and LGBTs and LSMFTs and everybody. I love everybody. They want me to be a big tent, how’s that for big tent? My tent is sooo big. G’night.


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